On The Face Of It

I have what they call a ‘Resting Bitch Face’. An extremely non fastidious facade. Even a normal pensive mood comes across like I’m fuming or gritting my teeth. My mom to this day steals a whisper every time before introducing me to people, “Keep a smiling face”. But no matter what thoughts stream between my ears, I was born to look like a bored grump.

Sandra Bernhard's Quote

It’s only at times when I’m indeed in a foul mood that I wish I had some unusual countenance to bank on. It’s hard to guard my secrets behind these boring almond eyes. Long luscious lashes could blur the fire burning behind them when I’m mad. High cheek bones could fool folks even when my spirits are down. A bulbous nose could distract people off my lip quivering. A dimple could melt people’s hearts when I’m being a bitch. Broad shoulders could hold my head high when I’m being humiliated… The list is endless. Sounds like a solid plastic surgery plan huh?

After I’m chiseled into artificial symmetry, you wouldn’t be able to tell a frown from an ear-to-ear smile. Then, the only person who could notice a lump in my throat would be the doctor!

Or maybe I should just get a sex change! After all, the ones who got it the easiest are the men. All the wonderful facial hair veiling that vulnerable visage! Boys can go ahead and cry all they like – the tears will simply roll down and disappear into their beards before anyone notices. That thick uni-brow, bushy side burns, hairy chest, furry back, densely forested legs and of course, who can forget the Amazon jungle down under!

(Side note: Have you ever seen a woman with hair growing out of her ears? No? Well that’s exactly my point.)

I have what they call – A Resting Bitch Face. Plus, my trademark sarcasm always works best with a face that holds a grudge! I guess I shouldn’t be so dramatic about this when I am blessed with fast metabolism and a lean frame! That more than makes up for any sly remarks you and your friends make judging me by the cover.

Admit it. You are jealous…

I can see it written all across your stinkin’ face!

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